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dragonnas

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Cleaning [Jun. 2nd, 2015|01:13 pm]
dragonnas
I have moved from the home I was staying in, to a new home (actually an old home, which I had left behind). I have many tasks to accomplish here, and so I refer to this new home as my Aegean stable.

LVX tn
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Horrors. [May. 15th, 2015|08:01 pm]
dragonnas
I have had many visions while meditating on various topics; since I have learned to better focus my visions I have found greater control over the expressions and outcomes. The following is an example of a vision I had; and my reaction to this vision is offered as an example of my dedication to respect on a spiritual level for all humanity. This is an example of horror.

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To the deformer of tableware [May. 15th, 2015|06:57 pm]
dragonnas
Ave Frater

I have attempted, using ancient (earth-linked) methods to contact both Yourself and the Russian scion-princess. On the off-chance that you are aware of my current online whereabouts, I invite you to message me or email me through the links on this journal. We have much to discuss, and my contact with you and yours through our original channels is delayed due to financial hardship and, formerly, a temporary, illusory difference in political agenda.

In LVX
tn
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The Soror Project [May. 15th, 2015|06:35 pm]
dragonnas
Project goals: to externally embody and materialize my idealized feminine qualities by expressing them in correspondence to a willing and emphatic anima spirit constructed specifically for this purpose. Anima spirit will exist in worldwide public forum via the internet, and will be called via invocation through my efforts. This phenomenon shall transmute my personally held, idealized traits into an egregor to be consumed by the anonymous, general population of the internet; and shall finally be permanently embodied into the personality and social interaction of a living human female.

Project requirements: Creation of a sigil accurately describing the power and potency of my goals. Formulation of corresponence with the spirit identified by this sigil. Continuation and persistence of correspondence, absolute honesty and adherence to the principles of devotion, and absolute faith that this process will result in the required goals.

First steps: additional study of hebrew; latin. Practice with photoshop to combine several images, photographs, symbols and sigils into one portrait.

The project begins today.

tn
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Time flies [May. 9th, 2015|08:36 pm]
dragonnas
A little more than a year ago I wrote this, and this.

Institutionalization as a societal response for inquisitiveness. Ugh.
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Higher Edumacation [May. 9th, 2015|08:31 pm]
dragonnas
I start classes on Friday, May 22nd for a 16 month associates' degree. I'm beyond excited: I'm terrified.
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some more fun [May. 9th, 2015|08:16 pm]
dragonnas
Here are some more ancient thought-process notes I found in my phone! This is untitled.

1: HKL-unity theory proven under testing, controls used are poverty, unemployment, slander, assymetrical territoriality disputes, unfamiliar community. Using HKL manipulation orchestrated primarily through on-the-spot encounters participant was able to forage socially in urban or suburban environment without resorting to excessive theft (<10 instances) or recourse to busking, panhandling(begging), or deceit for primary need sufficiency. Duration approximately nine months. Discomforting yet not unendurable.

2: further investigation of novel concepts suggested by observation of the HKL metamorphosis into a distinct fourth resource reveals this resource to be congrous with most credible definitions of "love", term "unity" substituted to avoid comparisons with inappropriate incarnations of love in society (ie, "eros", pederasty, etc) which, while redundant due to filtration meeting other standards ("credible definition", "honesty", "loyalty", "longevity", "efficiency", "minimized resource-rate conversion") being applied; was necessary to allow wider comprehension of practical goals. HKL working title was at this time finalized to become "HKL-Unity theory".

3:further testing reveals efficacy of HKLU in orchestrating commodity resource conversions at arms-length interaction. Specific strength of HKL as a process requiring nonexistent financial or "real" resource investment for primary conversion noted. Allows for unprecedented applications in remote manifestation of emotional structures/constructs which otherwise require an investment of value-resource commodities. Conversion efficiency and the universal conversion flexibility of intermediary "Unity" product enables build/repair rates which otherwise would be termed "miraculous" when applied remotely without other meaningful resource investment.

tn
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Here is some fun [May. 9th, 2015|08:15 pm]
dragonnas
I've been going through old drafts of notes, thoughts I had recorded, etc... I just thought I'd post them! Why the fuck not?

So here is a thought I recorded privately entitled; "indirect".

Most people rely on indirect methods to address mental health and emotional issues due to a fundamental lack of understanding of the mechanics involved. Even psychiatric methods involving direct modification using chemical signals are an indirect tool at best, because the science of neurochemistry is still in it's infancy compared to the more developed disciplines of spirituality and contemplation for the same goal.

tn
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Middle Plane update [May. 8th, 2015|07:10 pm]
dragonnas
I attended my acceptance interview today. My loans are complete, and my schedule is set in stone. On May 22nd I attend orientation for my culinary associate's degree classes. It is a 16 month intensive program for which I will be indebted to the government many years to come. I am so elated that after all my transgressions, all my failures and mistakes and errors; somebody will loan me money to improve myself. Even though it is technically legally obligated, it feels incredible knowing that the system has faith in me.

To quote Johnny Cash; When I learned that the Lord had forgiven me, I decided I had better get around to forgiving myself as well.

tn
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Attribution [May. 8th, 2015|07:06 pm]
dragonnas
That which is contained only in books with no living teacher is a dead science, a dead art suitable only for students of the dead. But what if there were living teachers who simply could not be found? Is the life of an art then held hostage to the schedule of the living?

It is a conundrum.
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Metaphysical East [May. 6th, 2015|08:12 pm]
dragonnas
The direction from which the light of the morning sun enters an area. Used in situations where magnetic east is not suitable for prayers or ritual work. Typically defined by the orientation of whichever window faces closest to magnetic east.
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Deep waters of the righteous path [May. 6th, 2015|04:11 pm]
dragonnas
Leaving behind those lower planes of existence where memories still quake with horror, I see myself reaching up to the skies above.

I have left my love and my fears. Surrendered to a power greater than mankind, at first I felt naked and unarmed before my destiny. I did not realize at the time that these memories were anchoring me to a world which would devour me.

Empty images, illusions to be filled with whatever meaning mankind chooses for them: I must discard the meaning of my illusions while keeping the hope and the peace that they bring. I am aware now that these emotions were given to me by none other than my own Will, and none other than my Will can take my peace of mind or my sanctity of purpose from me.

No man may walk the valley of the shadow of death unchanged, and I am changed indeed... but how? I would greatly enjoy making some shallow list, some ambitious presentation of all the things which I will change or see changed in my life now that I have seen these traumatic labors come to fruition. But this is shouting at the wind; a madness of folly.

I enter into water for baptism, with no teacher but wisdom. My Will is to grow.

tn
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I was there. [May. 5th, 2015|11:54 am]
dragonnas
[tunes |Crescent - Pyramid Slaves | Powered by Last.fm]

I wish I had the internal fortitude to take notes on my recent experience. It's so difficult to describe and it's so difficult to even believe myself.

However, here is how I will put it for my future remembrance. I've been to Hell. A lower plane populated by shuffling things, ghastly spirits and translucent beings seeking to inflict their horrors upon the innocent. A place where speaking the name of a fiend brings it's mind into your own and grants it permission to speak it's own name again and again at it's leisure. Where the spirits of betrayed lovers await a man to remove his teeth as prizes for their collection. There is a price to pay for departure, and no man can say in advance what this price might be, but it must be paid and it must be paid in full.

In so many ways it perfectly resembles my home. The houses, the walls, the buildings and the possessions around me are exactly similar. Yet the differences are horrid: eyes opening and closing in every wall, in every corner to comment, to scoff and to chortle at the events they bear witness to. A dark reflection of every person waits for you there, holding no love but for scorn and fearing you might ever redeem yourself to surpass them. Laughing neighbors steal from your pockets telpathically just to demonstrate to their ensorcelled lovers their superiority. A broken thing is your only reward for placing any trust at all in the material world.

The light of Yahweh seems but a forlorn and diminishing hope there.

Do not drink the water, and do not eat the food, for it will be stolen from your body by the denizens around you to fuel their wicked lusts. Do not claim anything as your own, for you will only claim yourself as a permanent resident of this dark place. Keep dry, and keep warm; because every chill and every gasp brings you further away from the light and peace and life of the earth's beautiful Sun.

Every tepid pool of water houses a fresh abomination and every mound of rubbish hides a new insult to the temple of the body. As I began to despair, I reached out in my mind to my faith in the living God. My ears popped and I felt a change.

If you ever find yourself in Hell, start cleaning. I mean literally start cleaning up any mess you see. Uncover a jar with liquid in it, do the dishes, wipe the counters, wash your face, clean and clean and clean like you've never cleaned. When your ears begin to pop, you're on your way back up. How will you know when you've reached Earth once again?

You won't. You'll never know. Cherish the Sun, and pray thanks to your God; whoever he may be. Hell is a memory for me and I pray it never reaches you to become a memory of your own.

Temet Nosce.
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Head Games [Apr. 20th, 2015|12:08 am]
dragonnas
"do as I request and I'll stop playing head games with you".

What if it pisses me off so much that somebody would play head games with me, that I don't think it's right to do as you request?
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Musings... [Apr. 15th, 2015|01:28 am]
dragonnas
[tunes |Brian Tracy - The laws of concentration and correspondence | Powered by Last.fm]

I think mine would also need a rotating step-platform. Because stepping off would be difficult.

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My meditation checklist. [Apr. 14th, 2015|04:06 pm]
dragonnas
clear the air. flip the lid. look without looking. wait.

This entry is now obsolete.
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A small word for my readers: [Apr. 10th, 2015|12:00 am]
dragonnas
Be aware of these four good-hearted friends: the helper, the friend who endures in good times and bad, the mentor, and the compassionate friend.

The helper can be identified by four things: by protecting you when you are vulnerable, and likewise your wealth, being a refuge when you are afraid, and in various tasks providing double what is requested.

The enduring friend can be identified by four things: by telling you secrets, guarding your own secrets closely, not abandoning you in misfortune, and even dying for you.

The mentor can be identified by four things: by restraining you from wrongdoing, guiding you towards good actions, telling you what you ought to know, and showing you the path to the samsaric heavens.

The compassionate friend can be identified by four things: by not rejoicing in your misfortune, delighting in your good fortune, preventing others from speaking ill of you, and encouraging others who praise your good qualities.

Guard my secrets well, o chance companion of fate: for in this way do you inform destiny how your own secrets must be kept.


temet nosce
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Immaterial Beauty - A Eulogy [Apr. 9th, 2015|04:33 am]
dragonnas
For Keelan
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Hiatus [Mar. 26th, 2015|04:41 pm]
dragonnas
[tunes |Finntroll - Galgasång | Powered by Last.fm]

I am expecting to take a significant break from this online journal for several reasons; the first of which being that I have concentrated my efforts on my analogue journal. At the urging of a few unnamed parties I have been writing a page or two each day using prehistoric tools such as pens and paper. I realize that I have a faithful reader, and to this person I would like to say; sorry!

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In self-knowledge with the greatest hope and respect,
Temet Nosce
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Thinking about women. [Feb. 7th, 2015|03:22 pm]
dragonnas
[tunes |Crescent - Gates Of The Sun | Powered by Last.fm]

A lot of hype is floating around on the web about "society's idealized woman"; with most people offering the opinion that this archetype is in some way flawed. I have had a great many conversations with women who feel that it is not possible to be fit enough to meet society's standards of beauty, or that even if they were at maximum physical fitness they still would not be considered "beautiful" due to some unrealistic expectation of our culture.

To gain an appreciation of the standards of beauty I am describing, watch this video.

I believe that the common stereotypes of beauty are only unrealistic if accepted along with the common western diet and lifestyle. A diet which is high in processed carbohydrates while low in protein and fat, combined with a sedentary lifestyle (walking only from the house to the car, working seated behind a desk). It is not possible to have the body represented by models in magazines and movies if you conform to this lifestyle. Many people do not consider the effect a simple decision like walking for your commute to work may have on their level of personal fitness; therefor they decry the images of fashion models who DO walk (or run) many miles each week as unrealistic representations of reality.

In the decade of the 1990s I reached sexual maturity. Heroin chic was in; shoulder-ey supermodels were out, and the sensitive guy was the macho man of this decade. For that formative period of my life, I was surrounded by pictures and voices telling me what to like: waifish androgynous female forms. I swallowed this image and sought it out in many ways. As a man in my adult prime, I am now able to look with objectivity upon this era of my life, and examine the forces which shaped my awareness with a clear mind.

I have recently found myself far more attracted to curvier, more shapely and feminine-appearing women. I see myself appreciating hips and buttocks more than stomachs and waists, and I have the ability to see beyond a woman's current personal body fat index to appreciate her potential for fitness and strength.

As shown in the above video link, standards of beauty have evolved today since the 1990s, which I think could be related to decades-long ascendancy of hip-hop and dance music in popular culture. Larger, curvier women with wider hips and bigger busts are taking the place of the thin girls in our magazines and cultural media. Many women still decry this as a de-facto standard of beauty which is also unattainable: To those without the ability to change themselves, any standard at all is equally unattainable.

As a man I am still highly appearance-minded when I appraise women. Despite my best efforts, I still frequently look at women as hypersexualized recipients of my non-negotiable lust. At times I wonder if this is merely a side effect of possessing a set of testicles... yet still I discipline myself against it.

I would like to publicly state my apologies to any women I have formerly forsaken in the past, when I was less aware of the influences shaping my tastes. I am now attracted to all women; yet there was a time in my life when I could be known to leave one woman for someone smaller, simply because I was responding in an unthinking way to a lifetime of conditioning of which I had no knowledge. Many errors were my own errors, and I do not seek to avoid accountability for my own lack of integrity at the time.

However, as I have just written, I can clearly see how my tastes as a young man were driven less by my own awareness and more by the prevailing images in the culture of my youth. Every body type is special, because everybody has a body type. I choose my partners today out of compatibility and respect: which typically means I choose a partner with a certain level of physical fitness complementary to my own. This is an evolution in understanding, and I hope that those who recall my youth do not still condemn me for lacking that understanding.

temet nosce
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